Outtakes 224

Story Time

By Cait Collins

 

Have you ever been with a group of kids and decided it was time to write a story. It goes something like this.

What if a space ship landed in your back yard? What then?

The door opens and the aliens get out.

And what if they looked like…

Dogs. Big ones and little ones.

And they walked on their back legs.

They talked English. I could understand them.

And one of them had to pee. He walked to a corner in the yard and peed.

Did he poop?

No, he just peed.

And then what?

They wanted something to eat and drink.

What did you give them?

Dog food and water.

Boring. They wanted those black, jelly looking things. They put the stuff on a cracker and used wooden knives. Dad said they were fish eggs. Yuck!

What did they drink?

Bubbly stuff. Mom keeps it for special occasions. Is meeting aliens a special occasion?

I think so? So how were the aliens dressed?

Superman pj’s.

No, they wore camouflage. Like soldiers in the desert.

And then what?

They asked for directions to the Alamo. They wanted to fight with Davy Crockett.

And so?

It started to rain. It rained cats. Tabby cats, black cats, orange ones.

What happened then?

They ran back to their ship. One of the little dogs yelped. He was melting into a puddle of butter.

Really? Did you get pictures?

Tried, but they went invisible.

You mean they melted?

Sure.

And then what happened?

They couldn’t take off. They were melty.

And so?

The space ship is still in the back yard. And it’s bigger and better than Bobby Johnson’s tree house. We play there all the time.

Isn’t it melty?

No, Dad took the garden hose and washed it out. It’s neat now?

Are you going to fly the ship?

Nah, we want it for a club house. No girls aloud. (Yes, that’s the way the kid said it.)

Why not allow girls?

Cooties. Girls have cooties and maybe bed bugs. Don’t like that.

So how does the story end?

All the alien dogs got melty and went away. The girls had to go to the hospital to get rid of their cooties and bed bugs. And my friends and I took over the space ship and now we have a nice place to play basketball and football. My dad says he’ll get us a special video game set-up so we can play all kinds of games. My dad’s rich. He has twenty credit cards and money in a hundred banks. That means we can be happy and never have to go without things we want.

Pretty neat, huh?

The end.

Try editing this tall tale.