Outtakes 308

Thoughts on Grammar

By Cait Collins

I remember the good old days when English teachers taught grammar rules and made us diagram sentences. I’m sure grammar rules are still taught in school, but with our reliance on email and texting, we seem to forget how to write properly. The following are examples of statements from actual police reports.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run so I ran over him.

I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel.

To avoid hitting the car in front of me I struck the pedestrian.

The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of his intentions.

I was thrown from my care as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

If you think these statements are amusing you’ll enjoy the following signs posted in the workplace.

On a repair shop door: We fix anything. (Knock hard, the bell doesn’t work.).

On a leaflet: If you can’t read this, it tells how to get lessons.

In a safari park: Elephants Please Stay in your Car.

At a dry cleaner: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

In a church: This is the gate of heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked so please use side entrance.)

We all make grammar mistakes. We rush to finish a project, forget to proof read, and then we send out the work with misspelled words, typos, misplaced modifiers, and punctuation errors. And then we wonder why no one takes our work seriously. Over the next few weeks we will look at some common grammar errors and how they can be corrected. Be prepared to diagram a few sentences.