Tag Archives: cowboy

Humorous-Holly, CO. 1980

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A Pinch of Rodeo

Short stories from a rodeo cowboy, 100% true-98% funny

By Joe R. Nichols

Humorous-Holly, CO. 1980

A warped sense of humor is hilarious to some, not understood at all by most. A rodeo cowboy is considered to be odd for laughing at his buddies when their life is threatened.

Moss was an old bull. Six to eight years old would be toward the end of a bucking bull’s career (which is longer than a ranch herd sire). But this little black muley (no horns) was maybe old enough to vote. I understand, in his younger days, he was seriously mean, never missing an opportunity to mall a fallen cowboy. Apparently, seeing my buddy on his back directly in front of him revived his desire to try and kill somebody. He attacked.

My friend, Spike, bucked off at about the seven-second mark and would have won the rodeo had he lasted one more tick of the clock. Now most bull riders will tell you, if they are going to die in the arena in front of a crowd of people, they would prefer the deed done by a ferocious two thousand pound tiger striped bull with horns as long as your arms. A small pig-eyed Angus just isn’t material for ballads, folk songs, or legends. This added to Spike’s humiliation.

The two rodeo clowns (bullfighters) wore trench coats. One wore a Jed Clampett style hat and carried an umbrella, the other wore a cap with an eighteen-inch bill and had an oversized pink plastic baseball bat. They would usually end up throwing everything they had at the bulls, either trying to get the bull to spin, or distract them from the rider on the ground. This included the trench coats. There was so much debris in the arena after a bull ride, it looked like a tornado went through a trailer park. They had to hurry and gather up all their belongings before they turned the next bull out.

Moss ignored all of their props hurled at him. He had his man down and he wasn’t giving him up for no umbrella, I promise you.

Now, I’ve seen plenty of hookin’s in my time, but this went on forever. The clowns became desperate, pulling on the bull’s ears, pulling on his tail, screaming insults at him, but nothing worked. When you think about it, why would a bull trade a man on his back for one standing up that can run? Makes no sense.

Anyway, the whole time the ancient, cute, curly headed little bull mashed and scooted ole Spike around on the ground, he wasn’t really hurting him. And we all knew this. Naw, hell, Spike’s all right. He just can’t get away from him.

Well, I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the ways of a mature bull, but one thing they do a lot of is snort and beller. This is to show dominance, which they are. Just ask Spike. But the thing is, when they snort and beller, they generally excrete large amounts of snot and slobber. Moss had been snorting and bellering during the entire happening, and Spike seemed to be really absorbent. The incident was funny to me from the beginning, but I lost all composure when Spike finally crawled out from under his captor and made his way out of the arena. What was left of his shirt was completely soaked in slime from the bull’s mouth and nose. His hat, not only destroyed, seeped with the same mucus. His glasses were broke and sat crooked on the tip of his nose. He had so much white foam on his head it dripped off his ear lobes. It looked like someone rubbed a jar of mayonnaise in his hair.

I don’t know why he got so mad at me for laughing at him. He got even madder on the way home when I periodically recalled the sight of him doused in white slobber and mostly clear snot.

I reckon he ain’t got no sense of humor.

The Name Game

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POST CARDS FROM THE MUSE

The Name Game

By Nandy Ekle

A face materializes before your eyes. It belongs to a new character who has come to tell you their story. You see the hair and the color of their eyes; you hear their voice as you learn what they have to say. Then the time comes to name them.

Some characters come to us already named. A lot of times naming a character is easy because they have specific traits or a specific role. I like to choose names that have something to do with the story. I keep a baby name book handy and a bookmark to baby name sites that can tell me meanings of names. It just makes sense to have a depressed female character named Mara, or a very passive male character named Bob. Or a serial killer whose last name is Carver.

But sometimes a character comes to us with no particular name. This is a little more challenging. When this happens there are a few rules to help us name give our characters realistic names. To make them believable, we should take into account the story setting. Different names might indicate different regions or ethnic backgrounds. Time also makes a difference as to name trends. Clara might be an older woman and Brittney might be a younger one. Elizabeth is an older name while Sierra is a younger name.

Another thing to take into consideration is the type of character you have. A passive male character might be Bob, while a romantic male could be Collin or Mark. A cowboy could be Cody or Don and a bully might be Bruce or Oscar.

One thing to keep in mind is the rule of twist. How fun would it be to have a young child named Bertha, or an old man named Brylan. Or think of a gloomy woman named Susie and a bubbly woman named Morticia. But make sure there’s a reason for the twist or it becomes unbelievable.

And don’t forget the originality nicknames bring to a story.

Congratulations. You have just received a post card from the muse.